What we (don't) have to put up with - what Toni Fitzpatrick has to say

So this is how Toni (in green) responds to the information I'm passing along about puberty blockers - that it is the same drug used to castrate gay men during the 50's. THIS is what we're allowing doctors to give our children.

Toni says:

Do you actually have trans children? Any children?  Trans children receiving hormone treatment to help their bodies conform to their experienced gender are the concern of their parents and doctors - not judgmental transphobes. 

So once again, I am a judgmental transphobe because I'm making public this fact about puberty blockers.

In addition, Toni is saying I not only have to be a parent but a parent of a trans child or these children are not my "concern". Really? Because a big part of being female is valuing and providing the protection and caring for life, all life.

So I ask Toni:

Have you had ANY children? It's ok with you to condemn a child to sterilization, sexual impotency, & a dependency on drugs for the rest of her life? 

Toni responds: 

Yes! I have a child. And I have MANY lesbian friends with trans children. And the choices they make are none of your business! You have no idea how difficult and painful the choices are! And you have no business judging anyone! If your choice is - my child takes hormones and has a body they can relate to but they can’t have biological children, or my child doesn’t take hormones and can have biological children but has a much higher risk of SUICIDE, what do you choose? Mind your own business! You don’t have half a clue. And you also don’t have any children! 

So I now know that Toni has a child - and many lesbian friends, and not only just lesbian friends but lesbian friends with trans children.

This makes me believe that Toni might not be a lesbian at all, nor even a womon. When I, a lesbian, post on a lesbian list I would be inclined to say that I have friends (the lesbian understood) and maybe some who are strate. Instead Toni has to qualify his/her position by pointing out the pointing out the lesbian friends. Reminds me of when white people claim they aren't racist because they have a Black friend(s).

So Toni goes on to attempt to separate me from my own lesbian community saying it's none of my business. Right.

Then Toni knows that I have no idea how difficult and painful the choices are. Are you fuckin kidding me? Did I say I'm old? I came out over 40 years ago? I don't know about difficult and painful 'choices'?

Now it gets a little more interesting. Remember I put out a scientific fact and asked a question. "Judgemental" is another one of those words thrown at people to shame and silence them, like "transphobic" and "exclusive". 

The problem is IF one is making "judgments" based on stereotypes or prejudices or hate, then there is an issue. But if one is making judgments on facts, reality, experience - like knowing a stove is hot therefore judging all stoves are hot - this is an essential part of life.

So hell yes I'm making a judgment - both about the information the parent has access to, been able to explore, and about the fuckin 'choice' itself. 

Then Toni goes on to parrot what so tragically will probably be the future common mantra of those vulnerable parents coerced/manipulated/rushed into accepting this horrific "therapy" for their even more vulnerable children. This documentary concurs with what Toni is saying: puberty blockers are sold to parents as the life sustaining answer to the probable alternative: your child's suicide.

It is also interesting that Toni states unequivocally that I do not have any children. Toni asks what I'm sure he/she thinks is a hypothetical question for me "what would I do?" as if the parents of "trans" children are the only parents that face such extreme "choices" in life.

So this is what I wrote back to Toni:

You know Toni - I am a mother, goddessmother, and grandmother. You and I should be dear and treasured allies if not more.

Children and the protection of children - as well as womyn - ARE not just my business but my commitment in life. 

My grandchild was diagnosed with a rare cancer at 3 years of age. I accompanied my daughter to every single doctor, clinic, modality, 'healing' method not just in this country on this continent, but in several African, South and Central American countries and Hawaii as she sought out a cure for her child, my grandchild.

These people all claimed they would be able to at least treat the cancer if not eliminate it. But I was the ONLY one who was not in it to make money off of my grandchild's illness and my daughter's fears and desperation for her baby.

And my daughter was the ONLY one who, after all - or none - the searching and researching, had the decision to make of how to best treat her child's illness. 

That is what I want you to think about. I am not into making money off giving drugs and operations to children. I understand - how could I be a mother, goddessmother, grandmother and not understand - the terror, the hopelessness, the desperation a mother has for her child(ren).

And the impact of a child threatening suicide.

If/when a child threatens suicide, that child needs intensive and most likely long-term therapy. Period. Not drugs or operations, especially not after less than an hour or so of diagnosis. This is my opinion and knowledge gleaned through 5+ decades of experience - with my children/goddesschildren/grandchildren - and other people's kids. I also actually have three girls named after me by parents who didn't know me as any one other than a caretaker of their children.

I only say this to let you know how experienced I am. I might not have gone to medical school, I might not have been working at a transgender clinic for the past what 5 or 10 years - or however long. But I am experienced. In addition, I spend hours almost every day of my life reading and researching, questioning and critiquing. 

And I come with an anti-racist, feminist, fierce female perspective.

Reject my vision, my understandings, my decades of careful intense research if you want - of course. But know deep in your heart, in your body, in your being that you are totally sentencing your child to a lifetime of drug use and infertility, let alone stunted sexual pleasure. For what? Because he or she threatened suicide at a young age? 

I understand that might be the only path for some but I think it is a path that should be reserved for the very last, last, last option after the hard hard work of other options.

As chemo and steroids and radiation was the very last, last, last option for my daughter - an option after 5 years of hard work she didn't have to employ.

The fact that you reacted so intensely at the mere mention of a documentary that might present alternatives for you and your child to explore, says something, don't you think, about your confidence in the path you're taking? I could be wrong, but I think if you were totally secure and confident in what you're doing, why would you react so intensely to more information?

In love and anguish, Xan

Toni has yet to respond.