Journey For Justice December 4, Day 4 Uvalde: the police

We are wrung out, absorbing the horror, pain, anger, terror blanketing this small town almost 7 months after the unspeakable violence. We have been the site of the murders and the 77 minute total lack of action by the armed law enforcement people; witnessed the halting painful testimonies of some of the families; listened to the political, social, cultural historical and contemporary framework of this town; shared a meal together and now we are ready to find our campsite where we will rest tonite and then head out from tomorrow.

I’m following another caravaner, as we are sharing the camping space when I realize he is going in the wrong direction so I turn around, then turn down a one-way street as I attempt to google map the campground.

While I’m staring at my phone, waiting for it to load, I notice red and blue flashing lights behind me, so I pull over.

It is the local police, asking me if I realize I was driving in the middle of two lanes and then stopping in the middle of the street. I don’t say that it’s after 8pm and we appear to be the only car on the road but instead I say that we’re lost.

He asks where we are from and I say California (as he can tell from my license plate) at the same time Marina says Austin.

I ask him if he knows where the campground is, even though I’ve found it on google maps. I’m secretly relieved he’s not pulling me over for using my phone while driving.

He relaxes and gives us directions then asks for my license, which I surrender and wait for him to return, which he does in a long minute.

When he returns, he tells us we’re free to go and explains once again directions to the campground, less than a mile away.

I ask him if he’s willing to engage in a conversation with us without penalizing us for asking him what we want to know. He agrees almost eagerly, a big friendly smile on his young face.

The first thing I want to know is whether he was one of the responders to the Robb Elementary School massacre that took place last May. He tells us he was off that day, and did not join the response.

I ask him if he knows why law enforcement waited 77 minutes before entering the building… to which he says he doesn’t really know but thinks that law enforcement thought it was a disarm situation and not a live shooter scene… so I continue “during the 77 minutes several 911 calls were made from inside the school, from children who later ended up bleeding out and dying before being rushed to the hospital.”

He is quiet, nods briefly, looks sad and guilty even, saying again he really doesn’t know.

I ask him why in the world is he a police officer anyway. He doesn’t say to help people or rescue them from murderous teenage boys but shrugs regretfully and even sadly, and says he did two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan and when he returned, he didn’t think he could get any other job – or a job that paid him as much as this one pays at least. And a job that the military prepared him for.

I nod also sad, and don't say a job that prepared him to kill human beings, but instead I tell him I'm sure he has other skills, interests he had before joining the military as he nods in a little wonder and then agreement

When I urge him to quit and find another job but he claims he has to work to survive, as he has bills to pay, hobbies he wants to engage in. When I ask what interests he tells me he loves the land and backpacks whenever he has more than a day off. Both Marina and I laugh and say he can backpack for almost nothing – not like playing golf or skydiving. And furthermore, where did he put his love for the land while the 'wall' was tearing through this land? He simply shrugs as if helpless.

I tell him he is not really talking about surviving but about making sure a certain lifestyle is surviving. He needs to lay down his guns and all his weapons and find another way to support himself that also supports his community and Mother Earth.

Marina talks to him about the refugees coming over the border and he confesses he is the son of immigrants who first came and went freely over the border. They share childhood stories of living in the u.s. and returning on the weekend to their towns in Mexico to play and eat with cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles, then to freely head back across the border Sunday nights to go to school and work. Never hiding or worrying about border patrol, never being hunted down and chased by drone, helicopters, law enforcement.

Marina asks him how he can justify preventing others from doing what his parents freely did and he acknowledges again, things are not right but he cannot do anything about this.

We urge him to just think about laying down his guns – and let him know, as he knows, this is NOT the right way for human beings to live. He nods, promises he will think about it while we thank him for being open to having this conversation with us.