Code Pink Journals CodePINK Journals

Work 4 Peace,Hold All Life Sacred,Eliminate Violence! I am on my mobile version of the door-to-door, going town-to-town holding readings/gatherings/discussions of my book "But What Can I Do?" This is my often neglected blog mostly about my travels since 9/11 as I engage in dialogue and actions. It is steaming with my opinions, insights, analyses toward that end of holding all life sacred, dismantling the empire and eliminating violence while creating the society we want ALL to thrive in

Sunday, March 31, 2024

81 or 78 - what's the diff????

I wake up early and decide to make coffee and head to the campground.

I visit the bathroom for one last time and on my way back, a young white guy is standing on the sidewalk between me and my truck. He has a smallish dog on a leash that is barking aggressively at me.

He smiles apologetically, picks the dog up, and explains to me he’s just a puppy.

I pass him and go to my camper door. The guy asks me if my van (which I correct him with truck) is a camper. He tells me he has a travel trailer but hasn’t been able to do much traveling, but would like to.

There’s a white car parked two spots over from my truck and someone in the car says something I can’t hear so I ask the guy what the man said.

He says “That’s my dad and he says you should paint on your truck “Abolish Biden”.

Interesting – I don’t tell him to paint his own fuckin car, afterall, it’s obvious that even though he hasn’t passed my truck, he has read the back of it, probably while I was in the bathroom.

I ask him why he thinks I should paint “abolish biden” on my truck.

He looks a little bashful or just confused, as I smile and try to put him at ease, while trying to gather facts about biden that can put a positive spin on him – so positive this man might consider not voting for tRump, which is obviously the direction he’s heading.

Finally he tells me, “Obviously, it’s because Biden is so old.”

Although this guy does have grey hair and plenty of wrinkles, I’m thinking he’s probably in his 50’s or early 60’s.

“How old is that,” I ask, curious and open.

“81” he barks out as if he’s smelled something odious.

“Wow, old” I agree. “So tRump is your choice?” I say to his confident nods.

“So, how old is tRump then?” I ask

This guy doesn’t have a clue and tries to say maybe 60 or so. I laugh, not too unkindly and say he’s about to be 78 years old. If I’m doing the math right, I say he’s like three years younger that biden. So I guess that means he’s not going to vote for tRump either.

I have no other interesting conversations so it’s time to head out to check out the campground and cross fingers on this easter Sunday folks are going to be in church and not camping.

Mississippi

I’ve encountered several middle fingers out driver’s side windows, a couple of those black diesel exhaust dumps, and tractor trailer disturbed long honk travelling the rest of Alabama, but no overtly violent hostility.

In fact, the positive honks, waves, peace symbols and thumbs up seem to outnumber the negative probably about 3 to 1 – at least from what I notice.

I’ve decided to spend the night at the Mississippi Welcome Center and then tomorrow, I’ll go to the De Soto National Forest for a couple reasons: first the sun hasn’t been strong enough to keep my solar working properly and I’m concerned my food might spoil. My backup plan would be to buy ice for the refrigerator, but I really don’t want to spend money doing that.

Secondly, I need to be in nature for respite and re-invigorating my self. The campground I find is small, has full hookups so I can recharge my batteries, and it’s cheap at $13/night. The only issue could be space, as it is first come, first serve.

I decide to park close to the bathrooms and on the car side so I don’t have to deal with any of the truckers. The night is very quiet and peaceful. Before retiring, I walk around the grounds so I put in 3 miles for the day – a walk I really need after driving so far.

Saturday, March 30, 2024

We're fine, or so they say

Well I survived the nite in Alabama without incident nor interaction with anyone. The rest area I spent the night at was almost totally empty when I pulled in, but first thing this morning it was teeming with folks, mostly white and dressed in their Sunday best on this Saturday, seemingly avoiding eye contact.

Last nite, when I used the bathroom, there were three young womyn in various stages of undress, washing and applying heavy make up to their fresh, expressionless faces. A couple backpacks lay strewn at their feet, bath towels and washcloths hung over sinks and stall doors.

I tried to say good evening, but they didn’t stop to acknowledge me nor halt applying thick layers of eye shadow and lipstick. More skin was showing on their skinny bodies than covered.

I went to wash my hands next to one of the young womyn and said hello again; then I asked her if she was okay. That’s when I got her attention. I was wearing my “Rise Womyn Rise” t-shirt that she could see clearly (although backward) in the mirror.

She stopped to smile broadly at me and I could see she was not as young as I thought, but still young adult, not young teen.

“I’m fine” she retorts quickly, after halting her make-up applying for about 2 seconds.

I decide to ask her again “Are you sure you’re okay?”

This time I get a much bigger, longer smile as she says yes of course she is.

I look around her and ask the other two young womyn if they’re okay. The are giggling loudly, although trying not to laugh too loud. Then they both say in unison “we’re fine”.

I don’t believe them but who am I and what do I have to offer. They all appear to be Hispanic, maybe first generation as I could not detect any hint of an accent. I’m sad as I think about the lines of 18 wheelers and truck drivers sitting behind the building, probably waiting for them.

I also wonder about the “security guards” sitting out front. They must know these young womyn are in here and I know one of their jobs is supposedly to be aware of “traffickers”.

When I leave the bathroom, I walk in a circle around the entire building but could detect no random man hanging around with eagle eyes on the bathroom door. I also try to peer into the cabs of trucks, but again I see nothing suspicious – like I would know what to look for.

So I pull back onto the highway, heading for I10 and Missafuckinssippi!

Friday, March 29, 2024

On the Road Again...

My mechanic has steam cleaned my motor and all the parts under and around after checking to see if the rebuild they just did is leaking – which it is not, goods news and also scary news: I cannot handle another repair bill and be able to make it to the border by the 10th, which is my current goal.

After a test drive and not finding any leaks, I’m instructed to drive to Texas, stopping every 200 or so miles to check the dipstick and look under the truck for leaks. I’m also told I should break the rebuilt engine in for at least 1 maybe 2000 miles before running veggie oil and so I decide to postpone the Philadelphia trip for now and head directly to Texas.

Eagle Pass is a little over 1000 miles from Atlanta, so it’s the exact right distance.

I’ve changed the tires, filled by propane tanks so I can cook and heat up water for coffee, filled up the diesel tank, did a last minute run to Trader Joe’s for eggs and arugula, loaded the few donations I collected here in Atlanta for the border – so it’s time to hit the road!

I’m heading south on I85 through Alabama in case I get tired – the rest areas on that part of 85 tend to be new and clean. I’ll pick up I10 as I head deeper into the south through Mississippi god damn, Louisiana and then Texas.

I can't wait to take the temperature of this part of the country...

When the people who repair your tires know as much about our taxes and war as I do

Again, I attempt to arise by 6a.m. - I've got a few tasks to accomplish before I can realistically hit the road again and so I set about optimistically to get things done.

I had intended to go to my mechanic first to be there by 7a.m. when they open – but it’s 8a.m. before I am even able to get out of bed, telling myself I can sleep in and still get it together to go.

My first task is to load anything I’ve collected and stored at my daughter’s for the border. It’s not much, in fact it’s just a few items.

Then I secure the way back, the camper, fill my water bottle and heat up my coffee, and head out. I realize I have to pass my tire place on the way to my mechanic and as it is already after 9a.m., I decide to stop there first.

I end up handing over the two brand new tires my dearest chosen family lesbian couple bought for me before my RRB broke down when I didn’t have the time to have them mounted and put on my RRB.

I end up having a conversation with the young man worker who is taking care of my tires. After he has read my truck he begins talking full of knowledge about how the government is spending our tax dollars on war, how we the people are not demanding our own tax dollars to be spent on us, how corporations are directing our tax dollars through our government, and how those CEO's end up on the very government agencies originally set up to protect us, our rights, services and environment.

A discussion most people ould expect only on a college campus, not on the asphalt of a tractor-trailer truck repair shop.

He is bi-racial, Black and Hispanic, young 30's (I'm guessing) and part of this family business I take my truck to for tires whenever I can. He and his whole family are bi-lingual, although I don’t attempt to have a political discussion with him in Spanish.

But I do get to have another conversation with a young womon who speaks very little english who has come because another worker called her to come see my truck. He wants to show her the “End Violence Against Women” side of my truck. She has tears in her eyes as she relates to la violencia and el racismo contra la mujer.

She understands my Spanish, and I think I understand the Spanish she speaks with the worker who has joined us at the side of the truck.

I love the people of Atlanta.

Thursday, March 28, 2024

Potentially sad news...

It appears that my dear, poor RRB still needs work done - she has an oil leak and we can't tell where it's coming from....grrrrrrrrrrrrr so I'm returning to Atlanta to my mechanic's shop. I'm totally sure he and the team will take care of everything right away for me. It's a terrible hope but I do hope that whatever is happening is covered under all the work I just had done over these past, what 6 months? When I check the dipstick, first I think there's just no oil left, or at least reaching the dipstick. Then I realize the oil is so clean, I can't tell how much oil is there. So I decide to put in a quart of oil and then tomorrow, when I get back to Atlanta, I will have he mechanics look at it and tell me what's going on. So back I go, from Asheville to Atlanta. My trip to Philly on the back burner now.

white men in white pickup trucks WTF????

I’m excited – and ‘slightly’ apprehensive as I set out on my journey to Asheville to check in with my veggie oil mechanic, and then off to Philly to collect a tank of vegetable oil. Apprehensive because this is my first test drive after spending a fortune and many months getting my old engine rebuilt by my trusted mechanics in Atlanta at 3D Fleet Repair!

And super excited because my mission and my life’s work has been put on hold for many months, due to the condition of my RRB (Radical Ride Baby).

I intended to leave around 5a.m. but couldn't drag myself out of my camper into the driver's seat because I stayed up way too late last night doing last minute chores, including cooking a couple meals so I wouldn't have to stop to buy food. Plus I'd just flown in from the west coast, a good 5 hour flight not to mention the journey by BART to the airport and then waiting to get a standby seat on one of the busiest weeks of the year.

When I finally am ready to leave, the sun is painting a beautiful sunrise to the east behind me - as you can see in my sideview mirror - and the almost full moon beckoning me forward, as if she knows I LOVE to drive when the moon is full. The morning sky is not just as light as it will soon get, but there is a thin film of cloud cover - as you can also see in the pictures below.

I’m slightly dismayed as I approach Asheville, the supposed Berkeley of North Carolina, feeling similar hostilities that I felt shortly after 911 when traveling through North Carolina, the farthest south in 2001 that I had the courage to travel when I first painted my truck with “Thou Shall Not Kill”.

I don’t know still what it is with white men in white pick up trucks – false. I’m sure they are not seeing the fact that I have a much bigger vehicle than theirs but still, they insist on displaying blatant acts of violence.

This time, I only notice the truck passing me on the highway glancing at the driver, registering he’s old and white, and then my entire focus is on the arm extending an ugly handgun toward the front of my vehicle, arcing gently with his slightly faster speed, moving the gun directly on me as he passes by.

What is notable is that I am in the Asheville city proper, not on some alleged country hick road but in Asheville traffic. Does this white man think he’s going to deter me and my mission? He’s flaunting his right to carry and expose this weapon to me or anyone else.

On the other hand, many cars pass me, honking their horns, raising arms in peace symbols or just merely waving.

So begins my first day back on the road in the u.s.ofa.

Thursday, November 16, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism? "Let Them Eat Grass"

I’m posting early to give everyone a chance to watch this crucial documentary “Lakota Nation vs United States before our Wednesday and/or Sunday zoom gathering.

We continue our “(NOT) Thankful for Genocide focus this month.

We will examine the ways in which the acts of genocide have morphed from overt murder into many other forms of murder that no longer need the blatant shooting or strangling of a people. Then we can equipt ourselves to end these covert acts.

We have to not just learn our true history but we have to unravel and eliminate the lies and myths that have been jammed down our throats in order to wholly embrace that truth, enabling white people to also embrace our humanity.

Please watch this documentary “Lakota Nation vs United States” available on google movies for $3.99 rental or $12.99 to buy, plus many other movie sites.

Also, we will talk about actions of putting our money where are thoughts and hopes are: reparations https://reparationscomm.org and land back https://landback.org

Here's the link to the brief report back of our last zoom: https://codepinkjournals.blogspot.com/2023/11/brief-report-back-sunday-november-12th.html

Brief Report Back Sunday November 12th {NOT} Thankful For Genocide

Another beautiful intense workshop today, beginning with sharing readings “Caste” by Isabel Wilkerson; “Uncomfortable Conversations With A Black Man” by Emmanuel Acho; “A People’s History of the United States”.

We moved on to the ‘challenges’ of living in an all or majority white town and sharpening our abilities seeing/confronting/demolishing racism; not waiting for Black or brown people to show up before being able to see racism and engage in anti-racism actions.

We delved into the unconscious, seemingly “innocent” actions we do as white people, not being aware of or of realizing the historical and present day racist impact that same action has on Black or brown people. We began this conversation last time with the toilet paper incident; this time the white dog walker, seeing a Black man approaching, moves to the side of the road to allow him to pass, and not comprehending his “oh typical” remark.

We talked about once we know that white people often flee to the other side of the street, bus, etc., when a Black person approaches, we can be aware and not engage in that behavior. Processing with the dog walker she realized she didn’t make eye contact, greet her neighbor, or connect in any way.

This led into a prolonged discussion of the racism behind the “color blind” stance, the “I treat everyone the same”, “We’re all human beings” traps white people fall into. The seemingly ‘benign’ reasoning behind such a view can be the desire to attempt to not be the blatant bigot; on the other end of that continuum is the comfort of white people – we feel much more comfortable if we can pretend we don’t ‘see’ skin color, etc.

We also talked about our language and becoming more and more aware of the ‘normal’ everyday language laced with racism. For example, instead of labeling white people’s actions as ‘stupid’, we need to label it ‘racism’; instead of referring to ‘third world’, we call it ‘looted, genocided, exploited, colonized’ country or peoples; instead of ‘Indian, Native american’ we change our language to ‘First Nation, Indigenous, Original Peoples’.

We discussed this racist post going around facebook, especially on some pages of white womyn who call themselves radical feminists. Viewing this post, our racism red flags should be gale – force waving. Here is my response in my attempt to dissect and explain the racism inherent in this post:

“It's that most white womyn did not stand up against white people mocking, 'appropriating', stereotyping, flaunting white superiority while claiming Black inferiority when this was such a popular thing among white people; & now all the sudden, white womyn are crying & recognizing there could be the same intention driving the slamming/mocking of WOMYN (including white womyn) as there was when whites were slamming/mocking of Black womyn, children & men. Furthermore to then hypocritically demand that Black people recognize this as fueled by a similar oppressive force and therefore need to stand behind white womyn who've never stood as anti-racists with the threat of ignoring that white assault if drag is ignored. Really???”

One of the white womyn’s response:

“my family has resided in Appalachia for hundreds of years. Do you think that, because of their skin color, they didn't suffer while digging coal seams less than 36 inches tall? That they didn't suffer extreme poverty? That women didn't suffer even worse than their men? That they didn't--and still don't--experience discrimination? Are you so foolish as to assume everybody with light skin is affluent? Please! Read a little about Appalachia, where I continue to reside, and then lecture me about how easy White women have had it.”

And my response to her:

“white people don't suffer because of skin color - they might suffer because of poverty or lack of access to resources, etc, but not because of their skin color. Whereas Black & brown people are discriminated against because of their skin color. Where did I say every light skinned person is affluent? I said every white person has been carefully taught racism and has benefitted from racism, and yes, some more than others. And yes white womyn are the targets of sexism, heterosexism, misogyny AND Black, brown, First Nation womyn are targets of all those isms PLUS racism. And also where did u read me saying white womyn have it easy? I hope this is a little clearer.”

And here is the original racist post:

Sunday, November 05, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism? (NOT) Thankful For Genocide! Wednesday November 8th 9am Pacific/Noon Eastern

It’s that month where we in the u.s.ofa. celebrate a holiday that perhaps a most revealing example of how our history has been obfuscated and ‘sold’ to us, beautifully shrouded in lies and myths.

We will discuss the true origins of “thanksgiving” and what, as anti-racists, should we be doing about this celebration which, while representing the horrific beginnings of our nation, have also become ingrained in so many memories of family and community.

What should we do about this holiday? How do we engage those closest to us, especially those who want to and are able to remain ignorant, with our concerns about this sacrosanct “holiday”.

Furthermore, are we really indeed not thankful for genocide? What has genocide brought us and continues to bring to us? What would our lives look like if we were not thankful for genocide? If genocide had not been at the forefront of the establishment of this nation, what would this country look like today?

We will also continue to share what we did to confront racism these past two weeks, increase yet again the tools for our anti-racism tool box, as well as share resources as books, films, etc., that have meant a lot to us.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Brief Report Back Sunday October 22: What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism

We had a very intense gathering where some of our understandings of racism were increased and where we gained a few new tools in addressing racism when it shows its ugly head.

Lynn shared her experiences from Texas, both at the pumpkin patch (which was majority if not all white) and when connecting with folks of color at the Amal event. We spoke of DNA and by seeking to identify it, what it can reveal to white people, especially as white people’s ancestors ‘chose’ to assimilate and claim ‘whiteness’ as their new cultural identify. In that process, lost the roots of culture that differentiated white people from each other and left the following generations separated from language, tradition, history, etc.

One womon shared a list of questions to help a white person stop and think about what racist thing they just said or did, inspired by a tiktok site Ms. Frazzled

1) What just happened?

2) What were you thinking about when that happened?

3) What have you thought since?

4) Who might have been effected by what happened?

5) What did you realize or think now?

We then role played, using the above format to address a former interaction between one of the white participants and a Black person she was attempting to help and explain why her actions were not racist.

Wednesday, October 11, 2023

Brief Report Back Beginning Sunday 10/8 zoom gathering

Today’s zoom gathering began kind of where we left off last time, talking more about the “just joking” response white people might give when challenged on something racist they said. We added “Could you repeat that (racist statement)?” and “Did you really mean to say that (racist thing) outloud?” with “What exactly did you mean by that (racist) statement?

[From the last time: “the kinder connection response, I love you, you’re my sister, I know you, you are not mean and I really want to understand what you meant by …”; the direct response: “not funny but racist”; spelling it out: “this is what I heard you say, this is why it is offensive and not a joke, this is what I expect of you in the future…”]

One of our goals as we begin or continue to identify racism, is to take note of white people, white environments, white language and to not ‘just’ support the “white is understood” narrative. We talked about how to flip our carefully taught unconscious “comfort” reaction when entering a room, business, event, restaurant, etc., where it is all or mostly white people – to an immediate “uncomfortable” reaction as we know that racism is existing in that room, etc., as segregation is a condition of white, racist society.

We also discussed spreading the discomfort around the room to other white folks, who should be uncomfortable – so uncomfortable they’ll be willing to make changes or they will kick out the anti-racist. We talked about not quitting but forcing expulsion instead.

One of our goals here is to be open and vulnerable discussing racism, making 'mistakes', i.e. racism unintentional or previously unbeknownst, here in this venue rather than when interacting with Black or brown womyn. We also talked about personalizing racism as the attack against the humanity of white people, how it hurts us or angers us, etc.

We touched upon the costs and benefits of increasing our anti-racism dialogues and actions, what we are willing to pay, and what we receive. A conversation to be continued.

Left on the table for our next zoom: DNA testing; flags; ‘human’, ‘all the same’, ‘equality’; are we increasing seperations between races by designating color outloud?

Recommended reading: “Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man” by Emmanuel Acho

Until our next Sunday zoom, October 22nd, we will continue reviewing Dr. Nikki Lanier’s work on Racial Equity and seek out works by other womyn authors, including some white womyn.

Tuesday, October 03, 2023

Brief Report Back: Introductory Sunday September 24th

We had a very robust gathering this evening despite or maybe because of the fact that it is the eve of Yom Kipper!

Four of us were online, most from the Big Mouth Girls webpage, but all totally committed to working together and finding our way to smashing racism and establishing equity.

One of the topics that came up was how to handle it when we confront a white person who has said a racist thing and their response is “oh I was just joking.” We role played several different responses to put into our tool box and take with us.

Another topic we discussed was the racism “coded” in such terms as “difficult community”, how to identify the underlying racism, and hold the anti-racism lens up to decode the racism inherent in our language. And the not so “coded” terms as “slaves”

. We began the discussion of how white womyn can use our privilege, especially our financial privilege, to support Black and brown womyn. When we belong to organizations or attend events where money could be and probably is a barrier to especially Black and brown womyn. How we can collect funds from other white womyn and designate those funds to go to support Black and brown womyn, with no strings attached.

As a couple of us are doing Get Out The Vote, we talked briefly about the script, phone banking – more later.

We also barely touched on the discussion of “humans”, DNA, “we’re all the same” – “coded” language or truth or false? To be continued.

Some resources mentioned:

“All In – The Fight For Democracy” Stacey Abrams

“Suppressed: The Fight to Vote”, and the later version “Suppressed and Sabotaged: The Fight To Vote” Brave New Films https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EGuGClzZCE

“My Grandmother’s Hand” by Resma Meachin

There were a couple more but I’m not finding the links – next time!

See you the 2nd Sunday in October, the 8th! At 4pm pacific time/7pm eastern

Monday, September 25, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism? Racial Equity: The Lack of... Wednesday zoom September 27th

Can we count the ways in which (the lack of) equity robs and devastates Black and brown people while unjustly enhancing and protecting the lives and lifestyles of white people?

This time our “What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism” zoom gatherings will embrace Dr. Nikki Ranier’s recent “Racial Equity Challenge”as our springboard for discussing, understanding, revealing the impact and daily (mostly unconscious among most white people) benefits and detriments of racism while we strategize together to hold each other accountable as we increase our anti-racism tool-box, enabling us to act more powerfully against racism and establish racial equity.

In 2020, news of the horrific police murder of George Floyd and the earlier killing of Beonna Taylor motivated several white womyn to come together to figure out what white womyn were going to do to end racism.

Now there’s the much lesser promulgated news of the police murder of Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn daughter, the laws that imprison mothers like Victoria Lopez destroying her family while depriving and impoverishing her children, the 33% increase in the banning of books most by Black or brown womyn and men especially the truth-telling critical race ‘theory’ ones, the staggering disparities of homelessness occurring - or not - by race .

Equity.

Will this search centering around the means to identify and achieve racial equity inspire you to join us this Sunday evening 7pm eastern, 4pm pacific?

Because this is Yom Kippur, it will not count as our first of 6 zoom gatherings but an extra gathering. Please email, message or text me for the zoom link.

Here’s the link to Dr Lanier’s Day 1 Racial Equity Challenge https://www.tiktok.com/@nikki.../video/7269805134903840046

Also, if possible watch the short documentary “Segregated by Design” https://www.segregatedbydesign.com/

Finally, check out the brief report back of last Sunday’s zoom gathering here: https://codepinkjournals.blogspot.com/2023/09/brief-report-back-sunday-910-what-will.html?fbclid=IwAR2kvTbDWPRI5nWNSW9q3LQXbz9UF5BZzruB4vUiuHrxaPfPWypHJKty-3M

Brief Report Back: Introductory Zoom gathering Wednesday September 13th

This was our first introductory Wednesday zoom gathering and will not count as one of the 6 semimonthly gatherings. As there were two of us today, we will work on getting more womyn signed up for our next session, which will also be introductory.

Today we talked about how we handle it when a white womon leader says or does something racist – leadership that we need and valued up until that point. First we discussed the impact on white womyn, the choice or decision white womyn need to make if white womyn want to stand against racism and act in an anti-racist manner, supporting those Black and/or brown womyn who white womyn are attempting to work in solidarity with.

We talked about the superiority and inferiority charge that could potentially give us when we point the finger verses when we come from the position that all white womyn are racist, not ‘just’ this leader or prominent figure.

We discussed the especially anti-Muslim racism prevalent in Wales and the many ways and on many levels it manifests itself, as well as anti-Black and brown racism.

Especially in the feminist community, most blatantly targeting the shera Hibo Wardere from Somalia whose life’s work is the smashing of the FGM practice, which ‘liberals’ are claiming is “transphobic”, therefore not just not supporting her work, but vilianizing her.

We also talked about Cherry Smiley whose work is to end male violence, especially sexual violence and especially against Indigenous womyn.

Our next zoom gathering will be September 27th, Wednesday 9am Pacific/ noon Eastern! We’re seeking new participants!

Thursday, September 21, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism? Equity: The Lack of.... Sept 24th

Can we count the ways in which (the lack of) equity robs and devastates Black and brown people while unjustly enhancing and protecting the lives and lifestyles of white people?

This time our “What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism” zoom gatherings will embrace Dr. Nikki Ranier’s recent “Racial Equity Challenge”as our springboard for discussing, understanding, revealing the impact and daily (mostly unconscious among most white people) benefits and detriments of racism while we strategize together to hold each other accountable as we increase our anti-racism tool-box, enabling us to act more powerfully against racism and establish racial equity.

In 2020, news of the horrific police murder of George Floyd and the earlier killing of Beonna Taylor motivated several white womyn to come together to figure out what white womyn were going to do to end racism.

Now there’s the much lesser promulgated news of the police murder of Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn daughter, the laws that imprison mothers like Victoria Lopez destroying her family while depriving and impoverishing her children, the 33% increase in the banning of books most by Black or brown womyn and men especially the truth-telling critical race ‘theory’ ones, the staggering disparities of homelessness occurring - or not - by race .

Equity.

Will this search centering around the means to identify and achieve racial equity inspire you to join us this Sunday evening 7pm eastern, 4pm pacific?

Because this is Yom Kippur, it will not count as our first of 6 zoom gatherings but an extra gathering. Please email, message or text me for the zoom link.

Here’s the link to Dr Lanier’s Day 1 Racial Equity Challenge https://www.tiktok.com/@nikki.../video/7269805134903840046

Also, if possible watch the short documentary “Segregated by Design” https://www.segregatedbydesign.com/

Finally, check out the brief report back of last Sunday’s zoom gathering here: https://codepinkjournals.blogspot.com/2023/09/brief-report-back-sunday-910-what-will.html?fbclid=IwAR2kvTbDWPRI5nWNSW9q3LQXbz9UF5BZzruB4vUiuHrxaPfPWypHJKty-3M

Wednesday, September 13, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism - Introductory Wednesday gathering 9am pacific time

Dearest Sistars: after losing my zoom access a little over a year ago, I'm finally ready to continue these crucial online workshops. I hope you will join me in recommitting to meeting together to share stories, strategies, support as especially white womyn work to end racism in our country, ourselves, our communities.

This gathering today will mainly be for introducing ourselves, going over logistics, and making the 6 session semi-monthly commitment. Our springboard for these few months will begin with and center around Dr. Nikki Lanier’s recent “Racial Equity Challenge”.

Here’s the link to Day 1 Racial Equity Challenge https://www.tiktok.com/@nikki_lanier/video/7269805134903840046?fbclid=IwAR1J2azGkPu7UOJeWglwyu_v00GPu2rkMjsO61K8ooSpa5RsPTQl8vvpaIo

Also, if possible watch the short documentary “Segregated by Design” https://www.segregatedbydesign.com/

Monday, September 11, 2023

Brief Report Back Sunday 9/10 What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism?"

We began this new 3 months series of "What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism" with a three tiered personal intro for a brief look into who we are and what brings us to this gathering.

We also firmed up the shape, format & commitment over the next three months. We will meet every 2nd & 4th Sunday, from 4pm pacific/7pm eastern for 1.5 to 2 hours. At the end of this series of gatherings, we can decide to continue or reconfigure, etc.

One part of our discourse centered around accepting/rejecting/questioning whether every single time a Black person 'accuses' a white person of being racist or responding in a racist manner, is it really true: i.e. am I really being racist or could it just be a personality conflict or some other reason instead of racism fueling the conflict.

We also talked about identifying & rectifying seemingly benign racist language at the workplace. As "grandfathering in" - besides the obvious not "grandmothering" - we explored both the racist origins of the word and the actual embedded racism of this practice.

We discussed the especially prevalent anti-Muslim racism and the many ways and on many levels it manifests itself, as well as anti-Black and brown racism.

Especially in the feminist community, most blatantly targeting the shera Hibo Wardere from Somalia whose life’s work is the smashing of the FGM practice, which ‘liberals’ are claiming is “transphobic”, therefore not just not supporting her work, but vilianizing and deplatforming her.

We also talked about Cherry Smiley whose work is to end male violence, especially sexual violence and especially against Indigenous womyn.

Our next gathering will be Sunday September 27th. Our intention is to delve into Dr. Lanier's Racial Equity first day tiktok

Wednesday, September 06, 2023

What Will White Womyn Do To End Racism? Beginning again

Dearest Sistars: after losing my zoom access a little over a year ago, I'm finally ready to continue these crucial online workshops. I hope you will join me in recommitting to meeting together to share stories, strategies, support as especially white womyn work to end racism in our country, ourselves, our communities.

Here are the details:

What Are White Womyn Willing To Do To End Racism?

Recently Dr. Nikki R. Lanier presented us with a 5 day racial equity challenge. Upon viewing her tiktok presentations, several white womyn expressed an interest in continuing this work together. As we are all over the country, I am offering this opportunity online beginning September 10th for a 6 week semimonthly Sunday evening series or an additional September 13th six week semimonthly Wednesday morning series.

We will use Dr. Lanier’s presentations as a springboard for discussing and implementing actions aimed at implementing racial equity.

White womyn might know that a good part of our privilege is to pick and choose not only IF but also WHEN we are going to see, recognize, acknowledge racism; along with the greater privilege to ACT to smash racism.

If you want to join this gathering, please message me or text/call 4048539990 or gmail me at ButWhatCanIDo2018. In Solidarity and Action, Xan Joi

p.s. here’s the link to Day 1 Racial Equity Challenge https://www.tiktok.com/@nikki.../video/7269805134903840046

Also, watch the short documentary “Segregated by Design” https://www.segregatedbydesign.com/

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Next Steps - to be continued

As I prepare to continue my journey around the country, I'm very sad and torn about leaving the border. Today, after spending almost two hours working with several families from Haiti and Venezuela, trying to answer their questions, figure out what they needed for the next steps in this perilous journey for asylum, trying to welcome them to this horrid country, trying to be at least one immediate kind face, I thought about how I'd really love to continue doing this for the rest of my life.

But then I thought about the hot weather, the tornado, the lack of organic food choices

Fearful of Me

I think this is probably the hardest job I've ever had: greeting refugees coming over the boarder thru the new cpb one app.

First of all, knowing the hardships they have faced and triumphed over. Second knowing what is still on their plate while also knowing the plate they imagine is not necessarily the plate they will be served.

Then of course my struggles trying to communicate with my poor Spanish &/or non-existent Creole.

But probably the hardest struggle and most heart-breaking part is getting people to trust me to walk them two blocks to the bus station or another half block to the Welcome Center or another two blocks to the shelter. It's unimaginable what they must have experienced to be so fearful of me.

Friday, May 12, 2023

Four year old girl dies of cardiac arrest in bp custody

How the hell can a four year old die of cardiac arrest?

How about somehow traversing from Honduras thru Guatemala, maybe Belize into Mexico, crossing the border maybe by herself, with or without her mother or father, put into a juvenile 'detention' center in fuckin Michigan???

That's how.

From Russia With ... Intrigue....

The next group of refugees I speak with are from Russia. The man with the blue wrist ban I approach appears to be maybe in his early 30's, very tall, fit, white skinned with a shaved head. He begins talking in passable english, really openly with me, telling me he and his wife are here, plus his friend and neighbor.

I ask him how he learned English and he tells me his mother used to be an English teacher in Russia and taught him when he was little but he's forgotten a lot. So who knew Russians were being taught english while we were being taught hate and fear. Even though he shyly explains he hasn't spoken english in a long time, he only stumbles a little and speaks much better English than I do Spanish. I can see him figuring out the english in his head as he speaks.

I ask him how long he has been traveling for and at first he says 2 or 3 years, but then shakes his head trying to free up the words and says instead he waited for two weeks in Turkey for his wife to join him. She stayed behind in Russia to sell their home but he had to leave immediately. I'm not sure if I understood but I got the impression his rush had to do with his army status and the war.

He confides in me that he has been in the Russian army, confirming (I think) this is why he has to leave the country. He announces the leader of Russia is crazy, to fight a people who are the same people. He refuses to do this. I tell him the leader of our country is crazy also and when he frowns and looks at me querulously, I say 34 BILLION dollars to engage in war in Ukraine. He nods in understanding and tells me "but it is an artificial war". Then he hastens to declare he is not a fascist or a nazi.

We've been talking several minutes, me asking questions, he answering promptly and openly, before he suddenly hesitates, looks at me and asks me if I'm a Russian agent. I've been accused of many things but being an agent of Russia has never (that I remember - a communist, yes, but not an agent) been something I've been previously charged with. I can’t help laughing but just say "no" and he seems to immediately accept my non-existent ties with Russia, not that I could have proven I have no ties to Russia.

It will occur to me later that maybe he is the one who is some kind of agent, he's so smooth and forth-coming about his almost preposterous journey here. And it is definitely unlike any other refugee, Russian or not, story I've heard thus far. But he is entitled to create or divulge any narrative that suits him, based in reality or spy-dome. One thing is for certain, he has definitely left Russian to become a refugee.

I ask him if he flew to Istanbul but he immediately says no, that he had to sneak out of Russia on a boat. He said the Russian authorities didn't know he was leaving for good, but if he were to go the ‘legal’ route, they would question why he was traveling, detain him, probably discover his true motivation and send him back. He couldn’t risk this so he decided to escape clandestinely by water. For two nights and two days he and a friend maybe stowed upon a 'yacht' (he hesitates, stumbling to find this word) or maybe rowed a boat, navigating the Black Sea to land on the coast of Turkey. It is not clear to me whether the boat is really a yacht or fishing vessel, but as he speaks, he shifts his eyes and rushes on to the next part of his story. From the coast he makes his way to Istanbul where he rented an apartment to wait for his wife. She is able to come through the Russian check points, as she is not military and word of his escape has not yet reached the Russian authorities.

He continues his story that now really does sound like a spy movie. I think he says he travels to Ankara where he seeks out the amerikkan consulate. Or he might have done this in Istanbul – his English gets a little challenging here but I don’t want to interrupt the flow of his story he is giving to me. When I ask him if they helped him come here, he grins like a 5 year old hiding a cookie in his pocket, and says they did not but he was the one who helped them. From this point in for the next few moments of our conversation, he keeps eluding to the fact that he stole something from Russia and turned it over to the u.s. embassy. He speaks mysteriously yet with a devilish pride. And I have a feeling what he has done he wants to brag about yet knows he's probably in deep shit with his homeboys.

He tells me while he and his wife were waiting to arrange travel to Mexico City, they have to go into hiding because the Russians have discovered his betrayal as well as his apartment and came after him. He motions to himself to demonstrate his fitness and ability to fight, assuring me he could handle the fight and come out the victor. but he says his wife is unable to do this, therefore they hide. Several times he alludes to his wife's fragility and she is very tiny, short and slender but I'm not so sure about fragile - yet I merely look skeptical and he continues his story.

I ask him if he went to Spain next which is the pathway I’ve heard from previous Russians, but he says no. He explains that Russians can fly directly to Mexico City, just filling out a visa application on line - it's very easy, much easier, by the way he states emphatically, than the cbp one application.

From Mexico City, they went to Laredo and three weeks later, they had their appointment to cross into the u.s. today from Matamoros so they left Laredo and came to wait another couple weeks in Matamoros. He points out the white tented building whose roof is just visible from the plaza and indicates that is where they were housed until this morning. Their appointment was at 6a.m. - along with many other people - and they went to the line at 5:30 as he was not going to miss his allotted time, although it was much later when they were finally processed.

When I asked how they got chosen to stay in the tented sheltered building and not forced to join the other refugees waiting along the river in the mud and elements, he struggled to understand what I meant. Then it dawned on him and he explained a little guiltily that the building was for people who had appointments scheduled already. He said it was very nice with cots for everyone - they didn't have to sleep on the ground - and they were protected from the rain and sun, unlike most of the other children, womyn and men refugees.

I thank him for sharing his story with me, while his wife who speaks no or little english, approaches us and says something in Russian that he interprets as her request to take a picture of me. She likes my shirt which today says “Death To Racism” because it is nothing but racism that is fueling the terror our country is inflicting on darker skinned refugees. But she actually wants to take a picture of me and her husband together – and so we do!

And then the Russians are on their way feeling confident that their escape from Putin and communism will provide an easy entrance into the u.s. and their white skin and her very blond hair will provide easy transition to the amerikkkan nitemare, which will mostly be true I'm sure.

What's wrong with Florida

I have noticed there are some people milling about the plaza with very obvious blue wrist bands similar to those you might get for entrance to a fair or a concert.

I approach one family group of a womon and two men, tell them “bienvenido” and then ask them if they speak Spanish. One of the men smile broadly as he says in English “yes”. I ask if he speaks English. No, not really.

I push forward and ask “de que pais son” to blank stares. I try in English: “What country are you from?”

“Haiti” is the answer and again I smile broadly, tell them welcome and shake each person’s proffered hand. I ask if they speak French or Creole and it’s Creole.

Now I get to talk with them as I summon up google on my phone and ask her to translate into Creole which she happily does.

They tell me they’ve been traveling for 5 months and living at the border in a camp for four months. They said it was very hard to get the cbp one app to work. After three tries, they finally able to schedule an appointment.

Their intention is to go to Florida and when they see my face, they ask me if there’s anything wrong with Florida. Instead of counting all the ways, I suggest they might want to go to New York but the three of them laugh in unison, shake their heads and say they must be as close to Haiti as possible.

I ask if they want to return to Haiti one day and sadness envelops their already drawn faces. After looking at each other, the womon takes my phone and has google translate: there is so much violence and starvation, there is no hope for a better day but she will never give up hope.

Why???

I return today to the plaza across from the bridge where refugees will pass, if they make it.

The very first thing I notice is that there is only one police car - Texas highway patrol - and the usual preponderance of bp.

As I am waiting trying to figure out what is happening, a young man, whose parents crossed the river in the early 80’s, begins a conversation with me, asking me if I’m waiting for family as he is.

When I tell him kinda, I’m waiting for refugees crossing over he looks me directly into my eyes and guardedly asks me if I will give him my opinion about what is happening – and of course I do. He relaxes and then concurs with me about the atrocities that we are inflicting upon these people seeking asylum.

He tells me he was born here so he can pass freely across the border – as could his parents and older brother in the beginning but no longer.

He explains that only 60 people will be allowed to cross the border today, 60 people who have completed the cbp one mobil application: 30 in the morning and then 30 in the late afternoon.

It’s 90 degrees by this time around noon. His eyes so sad, he tells me this past December he bought 200 toys for the children stuck in the camp across the bridge and it wasn’t enuff. It wasn't 90 degrees then but more like 29 degrees.

This morning he saw lots of children sleeping on the ground, in line or still in the camp, in the intense sun, heat and humidity. I’ve only been standing here about 20 minutes and my clothes are totally wet.

His face reflects deep sorrow as well as utter disbelief.

He tells me his brother is here to pick him up, shakes my hand, and over his shrugging shoulders he asks me "Why?"

Tuesday, May 09, 2023

The Y, The Library, The Blog, The Road!

I’m back to my ‘normal’ pre-covid routine finafuckinly of going to the y to stretch and work out, and then to the library to blog. So blog I will.

I haven’t been able to blog because I happened to fuckin forget my computer at home – grrrrr – always take that final sweep around your living quarters before embarking on a journey, as you never know what you’ve forgotten.

Today, I started out from one of my favorite rest stops in Arizona, the Texas Canyon Rest Stop, where I spent the night last night.

My original plan was to make it to Brownsville by May 11th but obviously, I’ve only made it to El Paso. I will proceed to Tornillo this evening after I catch up on my blog.

Unfortunately, the long grey section hoovering way back in the photo is not the glorious fog of the Bay, but fuckin smog.

I thought these seeds were worthy of note!

Monday, May 08, 2023

The "good" Border Patrol Agent VS the "bad" Border Patrol Agent Conversation! to be continued

My heart, my hat, my deepest admiration and awe goes out to the volunteers who work along the border, day in and day out – not just for a few days a few times a year, like me.

I can land on the border, choose what kind of work I’m going to do and with whom, and I represent myself alone but most of all, I can leave. And I do leave.

But the people who live and work here 24/7 have to reach some kind of balance between the border patrol, the vigilante groups and individuals, their neighbors and residents, while trying to provide humanitarian aid to human beings who already have a huge barrier to accessing the amerikkkan nitemare yet are going beyond human lengths to grasp – and I’m not necessarily talking about the 30 foot steel girders and reams of fuckin barbed wire.

Yet these volunteers, like all of the people who are privileged enough to not be the ‘normal’, designated targets of military, police, or border patrol, seem determined to defend and point out the existence of the “good” border patrol officer. Or the “good” cop; or the “good” soldier.

When I mention that it’s really more than about the individual but that both these individual good or bad agents are employed under the same ruthless institutional umbrella whose sole purpose is to hunt down and capture if not control and incarcerate other human beings our country has deemed “illegal”.

So even if the individual who has the job of hunting down humans, or policing the poor to protect the wealth of the rich, or killing around the world to defend u.s. business interests, even if that individual who engages in these agencies believes he (95% of bp agents are male – womyn are not usually hunters) is a “good” person or conducting himself with honor, it is still his job to do cruel things.

And yes of course, I’d rather be arrested by a kind officer who doesn’t cut off my circulation with the tightness of the cuffs; or I’d rather see a kind bp agent attempting to be humane finding the sickest child and mother to be the first to enter the bus that will take them to detention. Of course.

But this is nothing to be grateful for, really. These are human beings caught, often willingly, in a system that harms others.

Then there is the privilege I have that I have never been desperate enough to consider attempting to get this kind of job. It is another pull

The Search through the Arizona Desert - SUCCESS from Chiapas!

I’m joining the Samaritans again this morning to seek human beings lost or hurt in the desert. We will provide food, water, socks, a cell battery charger, and a totally essential “life straw” water filter so refugees can drink directly from ponds or puddles without fear of dying – at least from whatever is in that water.

We are a carload of four old white womyn – me being the youngest at almost 73, with a 76 year old, 79 year old almost 80, and an 82 year old!

Pretty amazing these womyn are all fit and able to traipse around the desert whenever we stop or to unlatch a cow fence and relock it!

And pretty amazing that this is the work these elder womyn are committed to doing with their time at this point in their lives.

The day is not too hot (for inside a vehicle) and beautiful with some gusts of winds.

We drive for several miles on paved roads heading to the desert lands where refugees are most likely to be in trouble and be spotted. Although we look hard out the windows, the terrain is so full of mountains and crevices, valleys and scrub brush – not to mention cows – that it feels impossible to spot anyone unless they make themselves known.

But how can they ever make themselves known, not knowing if we’re vigilantes or police, someone bent on harming them or someone determined to help?

As we leave the pavement, the ‘roads’, which is a very generous label, are dirt and not flat (another generous characteristic) which includes huge ruts, rocks and boulders. Plus they wind around and up and down, most likely first formed by animals and later expanded by humans.

I had thought we should have a pendant like a white flag sticking up from the roof, except white wouldn’t stand out in this place of light colors, white rocks and sand, browns and greens and blacks. It would have to be like neon red or orange.

I also thought maybe we should be playing music over a boom box, like Bella Ciao or Welcome to the United States.

My naivety or not seeing the entire picture is evident as I think about the brutal vigilantes waiting to capture a human being, itching to throw someone in jail at best. Or about las migras who also may or may not want to help.

The balance humanitarian workers have to embrace is really deep, always being directed by what is best for the migrant and for continuing their life-saving work.

Of course, this leads us into a discussion centering around the individual “good” border patrol agent and the “bad” border patrol agent. I’ve had these kind of discussions over the years: the “good” cop; the “good” marine, the “good” prison guard, etc. I will continue this discussion in another blog because now what is super important is what is going on outside the vehicle and our conversations.

Our first stop involves another amazing elder white womon who is the caretaker at a ghost town not 3 miles from the border. She’s really a living miracle, having survived the Mormons, being married off at 11 to a 63 year old pervert, escaping at 15, being serially raped and drugged, and who knows whatelse.

I think someone she or someone should write her incredible story.

Now she’s spends her time providing humanitarian aid to refugees, dealing with border patrol, and dodging vigilante violence while welcoming tourists to the land.

She has written an interesting song called “Border Lines” – so she writes songs, sings, and plays the guitar as well. The song includes all the ways in which we draw border lines in life. Although most of our border lines don’t include armed men hunting down our ‘enemy’; and lots of borders are boundaries we need to be healthy and to pursue justice in this racist, sexist, fucked up capitalist society.

One of the stories this womon tells us about happened just the day before. A womon with a child came to this property, almost hysterical and reported she’d been stopped by four armed white men who claimed they were u.s. military, making her get out the car, show her id and papers.

She is a u.s. citizen – but a brown u.s. citizen. This incident was reported to the sheriff by the driver of our vehicle who promised he would look into it.

After forging streams, continuing to run over very rough terrain, we finally see the wall in the near distance. We also see spots where border patrol vehicles linger but no helicopter so the womyn are pretty sure they are just scouting and haven’t caught anyone.

We finally reach the wall and the incredibly steep road that runs on the u.s. side of the wall. There are over 17 (I think – could be more like 21 or 12 – the point is there are many gaps) gaps in the wall and we slow down and stop at each, calling out through the gap in Spanish in case there are people who need the backpacks we are carrying with survival items – at least the hope is that this mere smidgen of supplies will at least help people recover if not survive. There are still so many rugged desert miles between them and the next town of people who may or may not help them live for another day.

We don’t find anyone as we continue driving along the wall. This road is only a bit better than the roads we were on thru the mountains, the biggest advantage being there are no huge boulders or sudden curves that drop off into the wilderness.

At almost the very end of the road, we see tons of people huddled on either side, trying to find shade. The wall on one side provides a tiny bit of shade, and a tree on the other side provides more shade.

As we approach the people, we see there are mostly womyn and very small children standing around, hesitating, their faces hopeful yet cautious, again not knowing if we’re friend or foe.

We stop and get out, asking if they need water or food. They are relieved and begin walking over, accepting the individual bottles of water and bags of food we’re handing out.

These almost 50 people have made the trek up from Chiapas, which is the very last, most southern state in Mexico. Lots of the children are so small they're in arms or reaching high up to hold their mothers' hands. Really amazing they've made it this far

There is a man who stands out: first of all he’s tall, towering over most people, but he has what looks like an ironed, button-down blue shirt and pants, not jeans. Plus he’s older than everyone else and really older than any refugee I met – although my numbers are limited.

We hand out almost all the supplies: individual water bottles are gone so we put out six one gallon bottles spacing them strategically so folks can refill their small bottles.

We hand out all the packets of food except for a small bag. As soon as we finish, the border patrol drives up.

These are refugees who want to turn themselves in; refugees that have crossed over national borders to seek asylum; refugees that have stepped their foot on u.s. soil to attempt to break into our “legal” system. Because the migrants had asked us to, we tried to call bp but have no service. But someone else must have called because of how quickly they arrived after we got there.

They were efficiently lined up, waiting the bus that was to transport them to the processing center, hopefully to be processed and then sent on to the bus station or shelter, depending on where they are going – or whether they have somewhere to go.

So this was a great day! We were happy our timing was perfect and happy we were able to hand out supplies to people in need.

But above all, we were happy to be the ones welcoming these beautiful, hopeful, weary folks into this country. The wall as we face forward - look how far out into the distance the wall goes

The wall as we look behind

The road abruptly ends here but they used all their advanced technology to blast thru the mountain blocking the path of the wall and ended up giving up. Of course Biden can always take up the beams...

This is a sample of the guts of the mountain they had to cut thru to build the wall

Sunday, May 07, 2023

Bats over Green Valley

I arrive at the rest stop after 10 and once again, I'm thrilled at the bats swooping around gobbling up their 2000 mosquitoes or other flying insects a night. I think they're around the rest stop and especially visible around the rest stop because of the giant lights that attract them! The pics didn't turn out so great but there you have it!

Ajo, AZ

I've inadvertently left my computer behind at home and the libraries here are closed on the weekends...grrrrr

I drive to Ajo, stopping at the thrift store on the main road operated by the three local Indigenous Nations of the O'odham people and find a new (to me) pair of sandals and a filter I can use on my veg oil system. YEAH!

I proceed to one of the Samaritan/No More Deaths volunteers to unload, organize and distribute boxes of food, bags of baby clothes, diapers, and womyn's clothing along with several backpacks.

Then I'm invited to take a swim, which I gratefully do. The pool is about 40' in length and 10' wide, with no chlorine but salt and ione based purifiers! DOUBLE YEAH!

I leave before dark for Green Valley so I can join the search tomorrow morning in the desert for refugees in trouble or waiting for border patrol to be picked up and then processed as they seek asylum.

Saturday, May 06, 2023

Nigeria, Guatemala, and unaccompanied minors

Border Patrol has not shown up, even though it's been light since 5a.m. and people have been waiting since last night.

As we wait, two more people walk around the wall, down the other side of the canal to the bridge over the water, and then return on this side of the canal to where we wait

It is a womon with maybe a 7month bulge and her husband. I greet them in Spanish and english and the couple smiles wider than the old Colorado River, proclaiming they were coming from Nigeria, have been traveling for over 5 months, have worked their way from Ecuador and Colombia through the Darien Gap to Panama. Both their eyes widen as they talk about how hard it was to traverse through jungle and mountain and dangerous waters. Both look very road weary but relieved to be here, hungry and tired and thirsty.

Just after they arrive, I see four more short, very young brown people working their way around the wall, down the road, over the bridge and back down the road. They are kids, teenagers, unaccompanied minors who speak very little Spanish - at least they don't seem to understand my Spanish. They are from Guatemala and when I ask where their parents are, they say they are in Florida. One of the boys is 15, the girls are 16, and the other boy is 17. I don't think one stands taller than 4'11" at the most.

Tears and terror

Everyone calls me Grandmother - even the two men from India who demand more bananas that we don’t have but who have kissed my feet, let me know that god blesses me and asked me to say hello on the screen to their Grandmother back in India.

But it is the family from Ghana and the family from China that my heart especially breaks for. Both of them had been captured by the cartel or the Mexican police – neither of them know, but whomever, it was bad.

Both fathers have tears and terror, disbelief and shame in their eyes as they talk about how they were beaten, their wives were beaten, they were stripped of all their belongs, their money, even their shoes.

The mothers won’t look at me as we talk and I fear they were also raped. I hold the hand of “Rose” and tell her nothing is her fault, she’s safe now – although the minute I say this, I wonder if I’m lying. She weeps and tells me how the men held a gun to the head of her 10 year old daughter – TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER – who had never even seen a gun in her whole life.

The man from China tells me he was held somewhere in a dark and cold jail, away from the rest of his family, held for four days and nights until he could get someone from China to pay a $2000 ransom. Then he was thrown into the street, at the feet of his huddled family who had also been beaten and stripped of their belongings.

And all this after the children and the adults survived the Darien Gap.

Senegal, Ghana, Nepal, China, Columbia, Peru, Venezuela, Brazil

I get into the worn work horse of a large red pick up truck 4:15a.m. – we are getting an earlier start then we did last month, most likely because of the heat that is coming earlier and earlier.

Only one of the brothers are home and ready to go this morning, the back bench seat is loaded with plastic bags of loaves of bread, containers of baloney and another yucky lunch meat, this square and with little specks of cheese scattered thru it.

We have a large carton of cookies in boxes, a cooler of a few water bottles, two thermoses of terrible folgers coffee, another smaller cooler of mayo, mustard, sugar, jelly, and a smidgen of peanut butter. This latter – the jelly and peanut butter – is a recognition of the many vegetarians that are fleeing their countries and arriving on our border land.

We bounce down the unpaved road for a block, dash across the four lane highway onto yet another even bumpier narrow dirt road, dust kicking up around us, the front passenger seat is a deep crevice with a rag and the back of the seat can’t be leaned against as it is broken. I try to keep my balance as we head toward the horrific 30 foot wall, thru lettuce fields and around the water canals bordering both the fields and the wall.

Maybe 15 jarring minutes of rough road, we can see head and tail lights of early morning traffic on the Mexican route 2 bridge that runs along the border and over the miniature remains of the Colorado River, the current water flowing through a narrow cement canal, either side of the canal is bounded by a dirt road that is u.s. territory but beyond to the original land where the Colorado River flowed maybe a mile wide or more, now is only dried scrub brush and an occasional mesquite or palo verde tree. This half of that land is Arizona, the other half Mexico.

As we approach the break in the wall where refugees walk around to leave Mexico and touch u.s. soil, we see many people milling about. We are surprised, as most of the time we find refugees sleeping on the ground, wrapped in the blankets left there the evening before, draped over the poles of the canopy.

We turn the truck around and get out, greeting several mostly men milling about. I can see other people peering at us, not sure who we are - friend, foe or migras until Seferino begins to build a fire and I begin to greet everyone with my terrible Spanish, asking if they have hunger or thirst.

Now womyn and children rush over, along with all the other men, to huddle together around the campfire. Their eyes go wide when believe I am from the united states, after asking me many times. Equally, they ask me now and then several times as we wait for border patrol if this – pointing down to the ground – is really Estados Unidos. I reassure them as many times as they ask.

I bring out the bags of food and begin to make sandwiches. Everyone waits patiently for this food and water.

Not everyone speaks Spanish, so I talk with the refugees from the non-Spanish speaking countries and find out there are about 8 men from Senegal, a family of 3 from Ghana, four guys from Nepal, two from India, and two families from China who have 3 children between them.

The family from Ghana understands my English perfectly, but the guys from Senegal do not. The ask the father from Ghana to translate and I’m feeling like I’m back in Cuba or Mexico, speaking to people in Spanish only to have another person interpret my Spanish. This time, Mohamed repeats the English words I say and the Senegalese can understand his English but not mine…go figure! There’s a young couple from Venezuela, the womon holding her tiny bump asking me how to say “embarazada” in English. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to let just anyone know that she is pregnant. There could be the border patrol person who doesn’t want her unborn child to be born here and have u.s. citizenship as he has the power to return her immediately. But I tell her several times how to say pregnant. She can’t get the “g” sound in the middle of the n’s. So I pull out my phone and print it out for her to see. Finally, she can say pregnant properly.

The rest of the refugees are from Peru, Columbia and Brazil.

In all there are about 50 refugees. We ask them what happened to the blankets – there is no sign of them. Later someone walks over to the big dumpster there and let’s us know, there are the blankets. Plus there are lots of backpacks, clothing, shoes discarded from yesterday afternoon’s border patrol pick up. None of the humanitarian aid folks are present in the afternoon so I guess border patrol thinks they can dump blankets and possessions with impunity.

My RRB parked under the full moon before we head out to the border wall

Thursday, May 04, 2023

Full Moon

Don't I love to start a journey on the full moon! And the full moon over the ocean! YEAH!!!!

Racism at the SoCal rest stop - to be continued

Veggie Oil Blues and the Pacific Ocean

Before arriving at my veggie oil guy's place, I stop at both O'Reilly's (to get a fuel filter) and Tractor Supply (to get the pre-filter). Because I have been having to change the pre-filter every 250 miles and the main filter every 500 or so miles, I don't want his oil to go directly into my tank. It's too dirty.

He is okay with attaching the pre-filter to his hose but the oil is pumping in really slowly. The first time I have to change the filter, he's only pumped in 7 gallons. The next time, 42 gallons. But this has taken almost 3 hours. Then he discovers there's leak in his system and thinks that most of the 200 gallons has been spilled on the ground. GRRRR

At first, he wants me to come back in a week or so but I tell him impossible: I've plans but also I've a load to deliver and a pickup to make. So we agree to try again in the morning. This means I have to go somewhere to spend the night. I hate trying to find a place to stay as we're too close to L.A. and even the 24 hour gas stations that are usually good for a safe place to park want to charge $15 to park over night. And the closest rest stop on I10 is closed. But I find a rest stop on I5 that is right on the ocean! YEAH!!! That's where I'll head off to.