My grandson was called the 's' word today

I was so totally caught off guard today I was almost leveled. I raised a daughter and helped raised two goddess daughters and of course some white people tried to sexualize and demean them, but in a totally different way. And a way I was ready for and prepared to handle.

Today my ELEVEN year old grandson and I were taking our almost daily walk, heading down neighborhood streets lined with mostly single famliy houses in North Oakland on our way to the bart station. We approached a house where once before we had stopped in front of and exchanged pleasantries with the friendly womon who lives there.

She was there again, in the front yard, watering her sunflowers which were the main topic of our conversation last time. She is probably in her late 40's, long wavy brown hair tied back by a kerchief, and not Black but not anglo-saxon white, maybe Italian or even Latina, hard to tell with barely any skin showing and her lower face partially covered by a dangling mask.

She smiled broadly, recognizing us from the other day, saying she was so happy to see us again, she rarely sees anyone pass by, let alone who stops and talks with anyone these c.v. dayz.

My grandson smiled also and noted with some pleased surprise that she remembered us.

"Of course I remember you," she states unequivocally, waving her outstretched hand towards us, "you're such a stud and your grandmother..."

I was stunned and didn't immediately know what I would do protect and support my grandchild. I felt like a ping pong ball. Do I read her the riot act? Do I shake her and smack the shit outta her? Do I focus on my grandchild and if I do focus on him - or if I focus on her - how do I make sure he knows this is not his fault at all but is her racist ignorance.

It felt like a year but I turned my body between her and my grandchild. I asked him if he heard what she said. He looked so innocently into my eyes, my heart broke again and my rage swelled. He smiled uncertainly and with a slight shrug said he heard her but he didn't know what a s... is.

I had to tell this amazing, brilliant, super talented, sweet, gentle YOUNG boy who is not even in fuckin puberty that it is a racist, sexist, derogatory word that white people made up to hurt and control Black men and boys.

And that this womon meant it as a 'compliment' but it is really a racist, sexist put-down.

I struggled whether to include the entire truth, the real history of that horrific word - the sexual part. My grandson is 11 and just now beginning to be aware of his body in a self-conscious way that he never was even a couple months ago pre-covid.

But I tell you the truth here, in case you too don't know. The designation 'stud' or 'buck' was coined for enslaved men who were culled like prize animals by white people for breeding purposes so their off spring would fetch more money and enrich those white people even more.

As I was struggling to phrase the sexual part that would give him the tools to smash this bigotry next time and not be fooled by the 'admiring' racist intent, the womon spoke up quickly. She apologized profusely and talked about how wrong she was to call him that. She talked about the words and ideas she learned growing up in a household of men and boys, a family that had fled Iran and were having a hard time dealing with the racial prejudices they faced and the racism they were taught - anti-Black racism I would add.

She told Mujasi she was so sorry, that she knows she has to work harder and be more aware of the words she uses, words she was taught as a young girl and didn't know they were bad words, words that hurt people. When I bristled again, she told him that was no excuse, she should know better and she will never ever do it again.

I thanked her for taking responsibility for the harm she did and for role modeling for my grandchild how you need to behave when you make a mistake.

At least there was that.