Fear of becoming the 'bad' guy....part 3

This is the final paragraph of Kate's post and my response. Thank you Kate for raising these issues and being open to hearing my responses. 

Kate:

Yes, they are all good white people with good intentions. Yet they take umbrage with any insinuation that they have some work to do. Consequently, I always become “ the bad guy.” What am I doing wrong? Is there a magic way to help white people grow without causing harm?

I don't think it is helpful to use the "good/bad" framework when examining white people. As we continue our understanding of whiteness in the u.s. that all white people are racist, then we know that white people are either racists or anti-racist racists. That is the framework most helpful in ending racism.

Again, we cannot live and participate in a racist, misogynist war-mongering society without examining exactly what "good" means. White people have built a country where white men are considered "good" as they swept through this land, eliminating most of the indigenous people who inhabited here, stole and enslaved people for over TWO HUNDRED FIFTY YEARS, and continued that practice of slavery through other means, while militarily invaded and exploited almost every single country in the world. And still after 400+ years cannot figure out any other way to live other than exploiting Black and brown people while benefiting white people.  

We recently see how "good men" who have statues made in their honor and memory are being torn down because they've only been "good" for white people at the detriment of Black and brown people.

Whenever we are willing to speak truth to injustice, especially when that injustice has SOOOOOO benefitted white people, we are going to be seen as stepping outside the boundaries that racism has assigned to our race and behavior. And therefore being called a "bad"white guy. 

Being called "bad" while attempting to end racism is the only right thing you can be called: it means you're doing the work to topple racism.

So the question is NOT Is there a magic way to help white people grow without causing harm?

But the question is: "what magic can we use to end white people's harm and dismantle systemic racism?"

Well-intentioned white folks...part 2

This is the second paragraph of Kate's post and my response: 

Kate:

Well-intentioned white people often take my interruptions of oppression as personal attacks. “Don’t call me a racist,” they say, redirecting the focus upon their own hurt feelings instead of focusing upon the bigger harm being done to BIPOC.

Me:

Let's look first at the "well-intentioned" part of white folks. Yesterday on our zoom gathering we talked about "intention" versus "impact" (thank you Kelly). Part of white people's accountability in ending racism is being aware of our impact on the people who are the targets of racism, regardless of our intent.

In addition, why does the mere fact that white people are "intending" to do well often deter us from actually insisting they examine their intentions and impacts and identifying exactly how they are increasing harm? 

MLK wrote that he thought the liberal white was perhaps more of an impediment to Black liberation than the KKK. 

The "personal attack" - along with the "well-intention" - are both kneejerk tried and true means of shutting down the conversation about racism: a racist means. White people are very, very, very skilled at shutting down the mere conversation, let alone allowing that conversation to impact their beliefs and behaviors.

As anti-racists we need to see these as attempts to silence the racism conversation and call them out, not allow it to silence us or confuse us.

The 'honey' method of responding could be "I understand your feelings are hurt, but I need you to understand how you are hurting other people. You do want to understand how your actions could hurt someone else - unintentional or not, yes?"

Another method is "Of course you are racist just as I am racist just as all white people are racist. I mean, how the hell can we not be? Racism was built into every single institution in this country and we were born, educated, survived in this country. How have you managed to escape learning and benefiting from racism after it being shoved down all our throats?"

I have also been known to say "Okay don't act like a racist and I won't call you a racist - but you see that I never called you a racist, I asked you it you thought what you just said/did/wrote was racist."

Another response I might give is "I know why you think that you're not racist - because I used to think that as well. I thought racists were those white hooded violent KKK or Citizen's Council white men burning crosses, shooting, raping, lynching Black and brown people. I never knew there were many other forms of racism upholding and perpetuating whiteness and targeting Black and brown people."

If only we can make if 'normal' for white people to admit, "yes, we're all racist", then half our battle is won. Then we can advance to "ok, we don't want to be racist so let's figure out how we can end racism." If all whites can't admit we're all racist, then so much of our energy is spent in denial, silencing, attacking - as well as shoring up our racism, collecting and enhancing our privileges, and allowing our humanity to be demolished.

Harming white folks....part 1

 

Recently a white sistar included me in participating in a discussion on facebook around racism. Below is the post I was referred to and my responses. I will also respond to the responses in the thread…hahaha.

And as in all my interactions in identifying, confronting, and attempting to eliminate racism, I post them here for anyone’s use and also critique – honing our anti-racism skills is a top priority.

Kate is in green:

Kate:

Help me, dear friends, for I am really struggling. Help me figure out how to name and confront institutionalized racism without accidentally harming people I love.

Well-intentioned white people often take my interruptions of oppression as personal attacks. “Don’t call me a racist,” they say, redirecting the focus upon their own hurt feelings instead of focusing upon the bigger harm being done to BIPOC.

Yes, they are all good white people with good intentions. Yet they take umbrage with any insinuation that they have some work to do. Cnsequently, I always become “ the bad guy.” What am I doing wrong? Is there a magic way to help white people grow without causing harm?

Me:

First of all, please come to our weekly zoom gatherings “What Will White Wombn Do To End Racism?” for these are exactly the kinds of questions we share, work together figuring out, and hone our anti-racism skills.

But in the meantime I’ll try to answer your questions briefly.

“How to confront institutionalized racism without accidentally harming people I love”.

So first of all, I think you’re referring to white  people, as part of our ‘unconscious’ racism but effective tool for transmitting racism, is the ‘white’ being understood, the default – similarly to ‘male’.

I would ask you exactly what ‘harm’ you’re referring to? How does it ‘harm’ white people to point out racism? I don’t think we can allow ourselves to fall into that racist ‘trap’: it is one of the multitude of ways white people prevent the mere conversation about racism to be avoided, silenced, denied.

And white people are so very skilled at not even allowing the conversation to happen, let alone acknowledging racism exists and then even holding ourselves accountable for eliminating racism.

I think what really is behind this question is “how can I confront racism without harming MY RELATIONSHIP with the white people I love”. And we hate to do that because then we see those white relationships are based on a mutual unspoken agreement of NOT talking about racism.

The real harm I think we should be concerned about is the harm that white people intentionally or unintentionally do to Black and brown people by our complicity in racism. Part of racism is focusing on the ‘harm’ of hurting white people’s feelings; we do not see ‘harm’ as the violence and killing Black and brown people.

We must see that racism is a weapon that ALL white people wield unless we are super super super conscious and accountable. Even then, we stumble and fail against this huge enormous vicious complex every white person in this country was born, raised, ‘benefitted’, perpetuated, and will die in and with.

Being aware of the kinds of ways in which white people avoid the mere talking about racism, helps us call out and minimize that racism-given ability of white people to ignore our complicity and mindlessly perpetuate racism.

There’s more to say but this is probably all ready too long and I’ll continue in my blog www.codepinkjournals.blogspot.com if you’re interested.

But even better, come unravel and build our awareness of racism and increase our skills in dismantling racism on ALL the many levels it has infiltrated to our zoom TODAY 2pm Pacific Time or message me for info about the next one: “What Will White Wombn Do To End Racism?”

Lastly, what anti-racists must be willing to embrace, in the words of our shera Isabel Wilkerson in “Caste”:

·  Transcend our fears

·  Endure discomfort and derision

·  Suffer the scorn of loved ones, neighbors, co-workers, friends

·  Fall into disfavor of perhaps everyone you know

·  Face exclusion, even banishment