Code Pink Journals CodePINK Journals

Work 4 Peace,Hold All Life Sacred,Eliminate Violence! This is my often neglected blog mostly about my travels across country in my mobile billboard truck as I attempt to engage in dialogue with people in hopes to wake us up and inspire action to change our country and communities and selves. And it is froth with my opinions, insights, analyses toward that end of holding all life sacred, dismantling the empire and eliminating violence while creating the society and life we want

Monday, September 17, 2012

Dreaming Jasi

I dream again last night about Jasi - I do not know if it is a dream or a nightmare. I awake, in the deep silent dark of the mountains, my hands cradling his sweet little head.

He is snuggled against me, I am holding him, focusing my energy on healing him. At first I think I am preventing the lesions from moving into his brain. Then my fears alert me to my attempts to provide security for him, reassurance, a safe womb; and alert me to his tears, his frustration, his inability to understand why his brain is not functioning as it used to.

And I am filled with terror that the LCH has spread, that my hands are desperately trying to minimize the impact of the lesions advancing in his brain, and I feel myself slipping into resignation to my failure of saving him, of destroying the lesions, of protecting his brilliance.

This fear must have been what jolts me awake. I resume holding his head, focusing on healing him, advanced or delayed, detoured or destroyed, healing jasi.

Dream Nitemare. Nitemare Dream.

This distance is so very painful, I hope I will learn to minimize the pain for myself.