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Work 4 Peace,Hold All Life Sacred,Eliminate Violence! I am on my mobile version of the door-to-door, going town-to-town holding readings/gatherings/discussions of my book "But What Can I Do?" This is my often neglected blog mostly about my travels since 9/11 as I engage in dialogue and actions. It is steaming with my opinions, insights, analyses toward that end of holding all life sacred, dismantling the empire and eliminating violence while creating the society we want ALL to thrive in

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Yet another 3 little letters that have such an impact on my life, let alone my daughter's life and her childs.


Does the parent have the right to determine her child's health care?

Or does the state have the right to override the parent's decisions concerning her child's health care?

Who gets to decide what is best for your child?

Funny, I always thought it was the parent's right and responsibility to make the life-shaping, life-altering, life-building decisions in her child's life - as terrifying and thrilling, as boring and challenging, as easy and extremely difficult as these decisions may be.

Everything we do as parents, everything we choose, every path we take, or don't take, impacts that child's life. As it did when our parents took those steps, or slides, or jumps in life.

As if it is not hard enough, as a parent, to make the choices, the decisions, the paths to this way or that way that lead or delete paths to other ways or dead-ends.

But for a stranger, someone who has never shared a meal, walked a moment with you, seen your dreams, maybe college-educated, maybe street-wise; maybe experienced similar lives, maybe grew up on the other-then-your side of the tracks, someone who is getting more money for deciding if you're making the right decisions in your child's life then you are getting for making those decisions in your child's life.

Someone is coming Friday to determine if the state has the right to make those decisions that not only undermine the authority of the mother, not only deny her the right to do what she determines (with tremendous fore-thought, angst, thorough research, heart-rendering/heart-breaking considerations, and the very greatest love on earth: the love of a mother for her child) is the best for her child, but can actually force her to act against her will and her mother's knowledge and confidence as to what she wants for her child.

How is this possible? Freedom in this country means over and over again the freedom to interfere with and fuck up someone else's life

CPS Childrens Protective Services

Unable to rise

I am unable to get out of bed this morning. I cannot stop mourning, weeping for my child, weeping for my grandchild. I want to minimize this pain, I want to convince myself this is not the worse thing in the world that has ever happened to me.

I have not lived a pain-free life. But my painful times - though huge - have been minimal, really, especially compared with most people on earth. And especially compared to my joi.

I look back though my life and try to measure the pain I felt during those few horrifically painful times with the pain I'm feeling now. I try to tell myself, surely this pain should not immobilize me, should not make more tears flow then have ever flowed in my life, should not fill my body with such grievous weight.

And yet I am here, crying out loud. A very rare occurrence for me. I'm old school when it comes to womyn and crying. I'm internally oppressed, as I feel crying is SUCH a weakness - yet my brain, my sense, my womonist/feminist self is incensed that I have such a hard time conquering that part of my oppression.

Well, I'm wailing now. I hope my roommate is out. I cannot control my sobs, as much as I want to yank them from me and stuff them into a quiet void.

At 11:30, I am finally able to drag myself out of bed and head for the post office. I am sending Jasi a package - I hope to send him one once a week as long as I am in exile.

After I walk to the post office, I decide to walk to BART. I want to get some Thai curry from Chinatown, and lychees. I pass the BART, realizing the walking in our beautiful sunny wondeful California day is making me feel so much bettter, revitalizing my energy, my legs, my walking spirit.

I stop and get myself a veggie oil filter on the way to Chinatown! I HOPE I can leave today. It is time.